You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
