you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
