we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
