i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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