My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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