My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
