shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
