I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
