I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just googled if crying burns calories
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
