I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Let's paint friendship bongs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Shame is for Republicans.
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