She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
