Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's just like the Real World with babies
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
