I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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