If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
