Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
