Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
