I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
