we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
