I can text with my tongue
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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