he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
