you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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