saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
