the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
