You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
