We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
