You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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