she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
