I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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