He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
