Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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