I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
