Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
