Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
