nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
