Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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