We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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