Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
as a side note pls kill me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
