then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
