i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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