the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
