I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
