I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
