been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
