Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
