I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
