so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
