how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
