sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
