I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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