I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
