i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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